


Backstreet's Back

by luxshine



Category: Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, Popslash
Genre: AU, M/M, UST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-22
Updated: 2011-03-22
Packaged: 2017-10-17 04:57:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/173135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luxshine/pseuds/luxshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To keep Kristen happy, Kevin decides to retire from the Backstreet Boys, but when the others realize they really need a fifth voice, Kevin’s life becomes a complete chaos as the one chosen to become the new fifth BSB is none other than Chris.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Backstreet's Back

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to thank [info]milosflaca who helped me a lot, especially with the final scenes that were a complete mess and so, that last bit? Consider it co-written for all the phonecalls that went between us. To [info]bubbleforest for all her patience, and I'm very sorry I was a day late. I hate my work sometimes, but I did finish. To [info]otherdeb who betaed the first 8.000 or so words, before my computer and rl troubles ate my time, and to [info]musiclover03 and [info]ravenbat because they encoruaged me to follow this bunny.
> 
> Link to gorgeous cover art: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v140/aceetha/luxshine001.jpg

“I’m sorry, would you repeat that?”

Kevin had to smile at AJ’s words. He had said the same thing to Kristen two weeks ago, when she had first broached the possibility of a divorce. And, if he was honest, the situation was very much the same.

He was leaving the band. In their world, that was the equivalent of signing divorce papers.

“I don’t see why this is funny, Kevin,” Brian said. It was only then when Kevin realized that he was actually laughing: not just smiling. Perhaps the stress had finally gotten to him. Or maybe, it was just that the situation was funny.

“I didn’t mean to laugh at you, AJ.” The truth was he hadn’t meant to laugh at all, but now that the ridiculousness of the situation had hit him, it was hard not to.

“You’re joking, right?” This time it was Nick who interrupted. “We *said* we would be doing this together forever!”

“We never said forever, did we?” Howie, who always had been the most centered of the group, looked alarmed. Maybe, Kevin guessed, he wasn’t the only one thinking about quitting. “I mean, we just didn’t put a time limit to the group.”

“I’m sorry, Nick,” Kevin said, before anyone could answer Howie. It was better to do things fast, not let them have the chance to try and make him change his mind. Because he knew that if they *really* tried, they could. “But I’m too old for this. And I need time to focus on my family. On Kristen. You know?”

“But… what about us?” Nick asked again, obviously not pleased. “What about the group?”

And that question sounded a lot like the last question he had asked Kristen, when they had their argument, two weeks before. But this time, Kevin didn’t laugh; he answered Nick just as Kristen had answered him.

“You can go on without me.”

* * *

“I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” Kevin asked. He had heard Kristen the first time, but he couldn’t believe what he had heard. His wife had not just told him…

“I’m gay, Kevin.” And yes, that was what Kevin heard the first time, but it still made no sense.

“Kristen, dear, come on. I know you’re not gay,” he tried to sound calm, but inside he knew he sounded just like when he used to correct Nick after the kid, now a young man, had done something stupid. Patronizing, even when he didn’t mean to be. “We’ve been married for six years.”

“And you were out with the band on tour, or at the studio, or somewhere else that wasn’t home.” Kristen sounded angry, and that was a particular tone of voice he wasn’t used to hearing come from his loving wife. “But if you want to get technical, then fine. I’m bisexual. Happy?”

“Kristen, I don’t think sarcasm is called for,” Kevin said, frowning. He understood what Kristen was saying, and he had suspected for a while that his wife wasn’t totally straight as she had more than once commented on how hot some of the Backstreet Boys’ female dancers were, but Kevin had always known that it didn’t matter. She loved him, and that was it. However, now it seemed that her love wasn’t so set in stone, and *that* didn’t make sense.

“I’m sorry, it’s just…” Kristen shook her head, looking as frustrated as Kevin felt. “Can’t you see, Kevin? Ever since the constant touring stopped, since the theatre thing ended, we’ve been fighting over everything. We just don’t work as a married couple.”

“I think we’re doing fine,” Kevin crossed his arms. “It’s just that we need time to adjust.”

“We’ve been adjusting for almost two years,” Kristen shook her head and turned away. “We work great as friends, Kev… and while you were out touring, doing your own thing… it was fine. But I can’t… I can’t keep pretending nothing is wrong.”

“There’s nothing…” Kevin started to say, but Kristen interrupted him.

“Don’t say there’s nothing wrong, please.” And underneath her words, Kevin could clearly hear ‘don’t insult my intelligence, or yours’, so Kevin rethought his words.

“We can still fix it. We just need to work harder.”

“What else do you want me to do?” Kristen looked at him, but Kevin thought she looked less angry. “Drop everything and join you whenever the Boys start touring again like Lieghanne did?”

For a moment, Kevin considered the possibility. Of course Kristen could join them whenever she wanted, but then he tried to imagine what would happen if AJ or Nick had a crisis when he was fixing things with her, and the thought made him shudder. And while Brian had managed to keep a happy family together on tour, Kevin knew his cousin was far better at multitasking than he was. Kevin focused on the tasks at hand, not caring much for the rest. There was only one solution.

“Just give me more time, love. I promise, we can work this out,” Kevin said, trying not to flinch. It sounded a lot like one of his songs.

“I’m sorry Kevin, but I can’t. I really need to go on with my life,” Kristen sounded sad, which gave Kevin a bit of hope. Maybe they weren’t too late to fix things, no matter what Kristen said.

“But what about us? What about me?”

Finally, Kristen turned around, and Kevin could see that she was about to cry.

“You can go on without me.”

* * *

The phone rang, and Kevin had to will himself not to answer at the first ring.

It had been two months since he had retired from the Backstreet Boys to save his marriage, and two weeks since Kristen had packed her things and left, insisting that the problem was that Kevin didn’t listen.

Kevin had listened. The problem was that he hadn’t liked what she was saying.

She still thought that the marriage was impossible to save, that it wasn’t worth more time to try. And while she had, at least, agreed that they had a couple of good years, a lot of good memories and still had chemistry enough to make fireworks… Kevin hadn’t been able to convince her to stay.

And without Kristen, his house seemed too empty.

On the third ring he answered, trying not to sound too eager, trying not to beg her to come back.

“Hey, Kev. How’s retirement treating you?”

Trying not to sound disappointed because the voice on the line was Brian’s, not hers.

“It’s… different,” Kevin answered, forcing himself to smile. He hadn’t told the Boys the real reason why he wanted to spend more time with Kristen, and now when it seemed that it had been for nothing, he was even more reluctant to admit the truth. “How’s the group doing now?”

“We’re not really doing anything since the last time you saw us,” Brian sounded amused. “AJ and Kaci are still pretending to date for the cameras, Howie is still a houseguest at Kirkpatrick’s because he’s afraid to tell his mom that he finally asked Leigh to marry him but they still don’t have a date and Nick… well, you’ve seen TV Guide, haven’t you?”

Kevin grimaced. Nick had been trying to get Kevin to appear on House of Carters for at least a week, and Kevin was running out of excuses. But the mere idea of Nick living with his siblings for more than one week was volatile enough, and if they added cameras to the mixture, Kevin was sure it would be a disaster waiting to happen. He didn’t want to be around the inevitable explosion, although he was perfectly willing to help deal with the aftermath.

*After* he solved his own crisis.

“You still haven’t convinced him that it’s a bad idea?” Kevin closed his eyes. He supposed he could try again to talk some sense into Nick, but he also knew that if he spent enough time with his friend, sooner or later he would spill the truth about his situation with Kristen.

“We all figured it’s something he needs to do, Kev,” Brian stayed silent for a moment. Just when Kevin was about to ask if there was anything he could do, he spoke again. “I didn’t sign the release form to appear on the show, even though we will be at the studio at the time.”

“How did Nick take it?”

“Surprisingly well,” Brian laughed, and Kevin let out a sigh he didn’t know he’d been holding in. Brian and Nick’s friendship had survived a lot through the years, but Kevin didn’t know how they had managed. As Nick grew older, their differences were more obvious. “He thinks it’s better if he focuses on his family, rather than the group. At least, while we find our new sound.”

“What new sound?” Kevin asked, honestly curious. Without Kristen around, he could distract himself a little hearing how the group was doing. “You guys are not going to do pop anymore?”

“We’re rearranging the old songs,” Brian laughed at him. “We’re still in the process of figuring out who sings your parts.”

“Well, if you ask me, AJ could manage most of them…” Kevin started, but Brian interrupted him before he could finish his ideas.

“We’ll manage, cuz. Don’t worry. Hey, how’s Kristen doing? I bet she’s very happy now she that has you all to herself.”

“She’s… got a whole new outlook on life,” Kevin said. It wasn’t a lie. She sure seemed happy when they talked, as long as Kevin didn’t mention that she could come back to live with him.

“Well, tell her I send my love. Maybe Lieghanne and I could visit as soon as my tour is over?”

“Yeah, sure,” Kevin smiled despite himself. By then, he would’ve managed to convince Kristen to return.

It was just a question of time and everything would be back to normal.

* * *

Many people would say that Chris was the least friendly of all the ex-boybanders in America, but the truth was that he was only unfriendly to people he didn’t know. Once you earned the title of ‘friend’, you had pretty much unlimited access to Chris’s life, and more specifically, to Chris’s house. This was both a blessing and a curse for the other members of *N Sync. It meant that they always had a great place to crash- if things around their own houses became too complicated- but, at the same time, they risked finding some very peculiar surprises there.

Joey had always thought he was immune to any surprise Chris could throw his way. After all, the whole group had survived living with him with almost no lasting mental scars, no matter what Justin claimed when you got a couple of extra beers in him. As long as Chris didn’t have a dragon hidden in the basement, there was no need to be shocked.

Which was why he was the only one of the group who still dared to drop by unannounced.

That particular morning, Chris was already awake and on his couch playing PS3. Whatever he was playing, it had to be really good since he didn’t even let go of the controls to greet Joey.

“Hey, Joe,” Chris called out, his attention glued to the tv screen.

“We’ve got to get Lance away from his keyboard,” Joey said, sitting down next to Chris. “Got any juice?”

“In the kitchen,” Chris pointed with his head as if Joey would’ve forgotten where the kitchen was in just two weeks. “What did he write this time?”

Joey didn’t answer. He had opened the door to the kitchen, looked inside and then closed the door again. Just to test, he opened the door again, only to close it immediately.

“Howie Dorough is cleaning up your kitchen in his underwear,” he said to Chris, walking away from the kitchen’s door.

“Yeah, you know he’s a bit of a neat freak,” Chris agreed, as if there was nothing odd about it.

“Why is Howie cleaning up your kitchen *in his underwear*?” Joey asked again, hoping that the emphasis would make Chris see what was wrong with the picture in his kitchen.

“He probably just woke up and didn’t know you would drop by,” Chris finally turned off his game and looked at Joey with an amused smile. “He’s been staying here for a week now.”

“What’s wrong with his house?” It wasn’t that Joey didn’t like Howie. In fact, of all the Backstreet Boys, Howie was probably his favourite. But with the Backstreet Boys recording again, even without Kevin, and *N Sync now pretty much done for, because Justin had finally told them that he was no longer interested, the old rivalry had raised its head again. It was sad, really, but it was also human nature. Joey figured that if *they* had gotten their act together before the Boys, maybe AJ or the others would feel the same way if Chris became Howie’s houseguest.

“He wants to get married,” Chris shrugged. “Do you want me to get you that juice?”

“He wants to… what?” Joey sat down quickly, then got up again, very worried.

“Get married. He’s got a ring and everything.”

“No way,” Joey shook his head. “You’re not going to try and upstage Lance by marrying *Howie*.”

“Oh, hey! I hadn’t thought of that,” Chris now had what Lance had always called the ‘run for cover’ smile. Usually, JC was the one who had those smiles, but Chris’s version was much scary. “You think Elton John would send us a limo with flowers?”

“You’re not marrying Howie, not for a joke.” Joey crossed his arms. He had practice now with his stern face, thanks to Brihana. Although Kelly was much better.

“Who’s not marrying me?” Howie asked, coming out of the kitchen. He still was in his underwear, but had put on a bathrobe, much to Joey’s relief.

“Joey thinks you’re going to seduce me and make an honest man out of me.” Now it was obvious to Joey that Chris was making fun of him, so he decided to settle by punching him lightly on the shoulder.

“No one could make that miracle happen,” he told Chris before smiling at Howie. “So who’s the lucky girl?”

“Leigh,” Howie was beaming with happiness and Joey couldn’t blame him. He had meet Leigh a couple of times, and Joey knew that Howie was madly in love with her. “She said yes a week ago.”

“Congratulations, man! When is the wedding?” Joey finally sit down, his world returning to normal.

“We still haven’t settled on a date,” Howie admitted, sitting down on the couch opposite Joey. “We don’t want to rush things.”

Joey nodded and looked at Chris, who had picked up his game again. He understood Howie perfectly. After all, he and Kelly had waited for almost five years before actually marrying, and it had worked out for the best. It still didn’t explain why Howie was staying at Chris’s house, but Joey figured it was not his business. If Howie wanted to tell him, he would.

“Take the time you need. It can’t be easy to juggle the wedding and a new album.”

“We’re not doing the new album right now,” Howie shook his head, but he didn’t look sad. “With Kevin gone, we’re still trying to figure out what we’re doing next.”

“But you *are* doing a new album, right?” Joey frowned. Even when he knew it was a little childish, he didn’t like it when the two groups history coincided like that. He hadn’t liked it when the hiatus first started and Nick decided to do his solo career at the same time as Justin (Even less when Brian followed suit, just like JC had done) and he didn’t like it now.

“Oh, yeah,” Howie laughed. “As soon as we get used to being a quartet.”

“Damn,” Chris laughed. “And here I was hoping we would get to see ‘Finding the Next Backstreet Boy’ right after House of Carters.”

* * *

The third meeting of the Backstreet Boys was not going smoothly. Howie wanted to blame the ever present cameras from MTV for that, and the strain that they caused on Brian, who insisted on being blurred even when everyone would know it was him - but he knew that the truth was that they needed a fifth voice. Because when they needed to vote, most of the time, Brian would agree with Nick, AJ would agree with Howie, and without a fifth vote, they kept ending up tied.

It took almost an hour of them not really doing anything for Nick to ask the cameramen to leave. There were things they couldn’t say in front of the cameras, and Howie was grateful that Nick realized it.

“We’re getting nowhere,” AJ finally said. “None of us wants to sing Kevin’s parts. We don’t want to *be* Kevin’s replacement.”

“We’re not replacing Kevin if it’s one of us,” Brian sighed. “Even if… never mind.”

“Even if we do get a new fifth member?” Nick scoffed. “We *said* we wouldn’t do it. We’re in this together, all five of us. Four. Whatever.”

“*N Sync said the same thing,” Howie said, looking down. “That when one of them quit, they all would. And look where it got them.”

“This is not the same, Kevin didn’t leave for a solo career,” Brian said, angrily. “We’re not waiting to see if he’ll come back. And *we* haven’t had trouble keeping our solo careers separate from the group.”

“Hey, I’m only saying that when we said that, we never thought one of us would want to quit before we all did,” Howie shrugged. “I’m not saying we *should* replace Kevin. I’m just saying that we didn’t know this would happen when we said we wouldn’t. I mean, if we do want to continue the group, and then you or Nick or AJ, or I want to leave… what will happen then? The Backstreet Boys will become a trio, then a duet, and so on?”

“That makes very little sense, Howie,” Brian slumped in his seat. “It doesn’t matter if we didn’t know this was going to happen. We are not going to look for someone to replace Kevin.”

“We’re still talking hypotetically, aren’t we?” AJ asked, looking uncomfortable. “No one else is leaving.”

“Of course not!” Howie, Brian and Nick said at the same time, and for a moment, everything seemed fine. They looked at each other, then at AJ, and started to laugh.

“Ok, for the record?” Nick said once the laughter died. “If I ever decide I want to leave, you guys have my permission to ask Aaron to take my place.”

“Why Aaron?” Brian asked, honestly curious. They all knew that, at the moment, Nick and his younger brother were at odds.

“Well, he’s my brother,” Nick shrugged as if that explained everything. When the others didn’t say anything, he elaborated. “Look, Backstreet as a quartet could work. As a trio, it would be a lot harder for everyone. But Aaron wouldn’t be a replacement. He’s part of the family, anyway. Like, I don’t know. Britney. She wouldn’t count as a replacement either.”

“She wouldn’t count as a ‘boy’,” Howie smiled, but understood what Nick was saying. “Ok. *If* I had to leave, I think… you could ask Aaron too. Or Chris.”

“Well, *I’m* not leaving,” Brian rose his hand. “But Aaron gets my vote too.”

“Not me,” AJ said, making Nick frown. “I mean, Aaron can sign Nick’s parts, and probably yours too Brian, but I think… If for any reason I had to be absent for the group for a while, I vote for JC.”

“Why JC?” Howie looked at his friend, curious.

“It would be easier to exchange our names in the printed programs when I get back,” AJ lowered his glasses to show he was joking.

Somehow, after that, the meeting went smoothly. Even though they all knew that none of them were going anywhere, talking about the possibility had managed to lift a heavy weight none of them had realized was in on the room.

* * *

Kevin was running out of excuses to avoid telling Brian that Kristen and he were separating. When Brian invited him to have dinner at Brian’s house, he started running scenarios through his mind. Although it seemed weird to him that Brian *had* asked originally if Kristen would mind if he came alone, that didn’t mean that the conversation wouldn’t turn towards the subject of their families, and then Kevin would have to admit that no matter how much he had tried to convince Kristen otherwise, his marriage was pretty much done for.

Which was why he found himself in his cousin’s living room one day later, drinking homemade lemonade and trying to pay attention to what Brian was saying.

In short, he was only half-hearing his cousin. Not in purpose, of course, and he was pretty sure he had gotten the gist of what was being said. But as he kept looking for the perfect moment to explain what was going on with his own life, Kevin was sure he was missing a couple of important words. At the same time, he didn’t want to ask for clarification, as he was convinced he could decipher what Brian was saying from the context.

“So that’s how we ended up with Chris, Aaron and JC as possible candidates in case there’s an urgent need for an extra voice,” Brian finished the story of the latest meeting the Boys’s had with a big shrug. “But then, just for a joke, we thought we could vote on who would we ask first, and well, we ended up tied *again*.”

“So the new album isn’t coming out soon?” Kevin took a sip of his drink, replaying in his mind what his cousin had said, trying to figure out why the subject of an emergency fourth voice had come up at all.

“You know how it is,” Brian smiled. “Howie still hasn’t told anyone that his engagement is official, but we would all like to have something in the can before he gets all wrapped up in wedding plans.”

“It’s hard to plan a wedding when you’re touring, yeah,” Kevin laughed. Despite the current situation, he still thought of those months before his wedding as some of the best in his life. But he figured that Howie would like some peace to plan his own wedding. “Well, if you ask me, I would vote for Chris.”

“Really?” Brian lifted his eyes, surprised.

“Yeah. I mean, it’s not as if he’s doing anything right now,” Kevin explained further. It was all a hypothetical exercise anyway, and it distracted him from thinking about Kristen. “And he’s got a great voice.”

“Well, yeah. For a couple of extra tracks, we could ask him to help,” Brian seemed hesitant to follow that particular line of discussion, and Kevin figured it was because his cousin thought that for him the conversation was difficult. It was one thing to joke about it with Howie, AJ and Nick, who *weren’t* leaving the group anytime soon, and another completely different was to talk about it with Kevin, who had left. Brian surely was thinking that Kevin might feel insulted about it all.

“The fans would love to see Chris… hell, any of the *N Syncers with you guys on the stage,” Kevin smiled brightly. He would show Brian he wasn’t feeling left out. After all, it had been his own idea to leave the group. “Even if the critics would say it was just a gimmick.”

“When was the last time we sang on the same stage as *N Sync? Germany?” Brian shrugged. “Besides, some critics say that doing a new album is a gimmick. And I know there are a couple of reporters who are dying to write about your come back.”

Kevin looked at his cousin before answering. Part of him, the part that had already admitted that his marriage wasn’t going to be magically healed, that Kristen was serious when she said they were over, wanted to tell Brian he had rethought the whole retirement thing and he wanted to come back, if they would have him. But the bigger part of him, the one that still held hope, made him stay silent. Especially because Brian was right. Coming back after all the support from their fans, from everyone, would make it seem as if Kevin had only done it for the publicity. It was a no – win situation, no matter how he looked at it.

* * *

In the four years and counting of *N Sync’s never ending hiatus, Chris had become used to being left alone. While all his jokes could be seen as self-depreciating, as when he had said out loud that he felt like the drummer of the group, waiting for everyone else to tell him what was going on, the truth was that he had more or less made peace with the situation. He had always been somewhat the odd man out of the group as far as the press was concerned: part of it was his age; part of it was that he wasn’t one of the teens’ favourites; but most of it came from the fact that they never knew what to expect from him. And once the group had separated – even if it was temporary - he had more or less faded from the public eye.

Still he knew that there were a couple of things that would make the media pay attention to him again. And no matter what Lance and his new boyfriend said, there was such a thing as bad publicity so Chris had made a mental list of things he would never do in public. He had never imagined that ‘agree to meet with the Backstreet Boys’ would be on that list.

“You must be joking,” he said, after Howie had explained his plan. When Howie didn’t answer, he turned to see the other three. “Tell me he’s joking, please.”

“None of us are joking,” AJ answered, smiling from behind his dark glasses. “We’ve given this a lot of thought.”

“And you’re sure *they* were sober when you discussed this?” Chris crossed his arms. Of all the crazy ideas he had heard over the years regarding what he could do during *N Sync’s hiatus, this one took the cake. “Because it sounds a lot like something *I* would’ve come up with after a night of drinking.”

“So if we take you out to a couple of bars you’ll agree?” Nick raised his hands, as if he had just thought of the possibility. “Because it’s not a bad idea. Except that it would probably ruin the surprise for the fans.”

Chris laughed. He had walked right into of that one. The worst part was that the plan *hadn’t* sounded all that insane, from a complete outsider’s point of view. Sure, Justin would probably stop talking to him for a couple of months, but given that it had been a year or so since the last time they had talked, that wouldn’t make a noticeable difference. Joey would probably think it was hilarious, JC would probably chalk it up as a good experience, and Lance… Well, Lance would probably be grateful that *someone* was taking the media bloodhounds away from his door. Which only left someone who could object to the whole idea.

“You’re completely sure Kevin is ok with this plan?”

* * *

Old habits die hard, so when Lance called up for an impromptu group meeting of *N Sync, everyone agreed. However, it wasn’t as simple as just going to Lance’s hotel room in the middle of a tour as it had in the old days. It took some time before everyone agreed that the best way to actually hold the meeting was to use technology and do a four way video conference. So with Joey at his own home, Justin in Copenhagen, JC in Toronto and Lance in New York, they sat down to have the first *N Sync meeting in more than two years.

JC just hoped it would go better than the one they had during the last Challenge. Maybe with an ocean between Lance and Justin, the damage would be minimal.

“Where’s Chris?” Justin noticed their friend’s absence immediately and frowned. “Please tell me we’re not doing this to organize a party for him. You all know he likes to throw his own parties without our input.”

“I wouldn’t have asked for all of us to meet for that, J,” Lance sounded irritated already, which couldn’t be a good sign. JC sighed. It was going to be a long night. “Have any of you heard the latest news on the Backstreet Boys?”

“Oh, great!” Justin laughed. “So the meeting is to exchange gossip. Kevin retired, so what? Everyone does that, sooner or later.”

“Mick Jagger is still in the business,” JC muttered. *He* wasn’t planning on retiring anytime soon.

“Howie is getting married,” Joey piped in. “He told me and Chris at his house two or three weeks ago.”

“So he must have been scouting even back then,” Lance said sarcastically. “You guys know that the Backstreet Boys are temporarily a quintet again?”

“See?” Justin smiled, possibly in the direction of Joey’s camera. “Told you Kevin wouldn’t stay retired. You better start auditioning; I want to see you on Broadway next year.”

“There aren’t any open auditions right now,” Joey shook his head, looking amused. “But a bet is a bet. I’ll see what I can do.”

“It’s not Kevin,” Lance said, but he was ignored by Joey and Justin who were discussing possible roles for Joey. Apparently, Justin had given it a lot of thought.

“What did you say, Lance?” JC asked, trying to bring the others attention to business.

“It’s not Kevin. It’s Chris.”

That made everyone shut up and look straight at their cameras.

“I thought we were talking about the Backstreet Boys,” JC finally said, after a long pause. “What’s Chris got to do with all of this?”

“Chris is the new Backstreet Boy,” Lance repeated, looking down at his laptop. “According to five different news sites, he’s been recording with them since last *week*.”

“Ok, Lance?” Justin was shaking his head in that way that said that people better listen to him right now. “Check your calendar. September is not April, and the 15th is not the first.”

“I’m not joking, Justin,” Lance sighed. “Look, didn’t Chris call any of you?”

“Obviously not, or we’d know about it,” JC was frowning. “Can you tell us what those news sites say?”

“I’m sending then to your emails right now,” Lance wasn’t looking at the camera of the phone, so Joey figured he was typing. Lately, they were starting to believe Lance had glued the damn thing to his fingers.

On the top left screen, Justin glanced at his cellphone, frowning.

“’Say Bye Bye Bye to *N Sync, Chris Kirkpatrick answers Backstreet Boy’s’ Call’? Who the fuck comes up with those headlines?”

“It’s our fault, really,” JC was trying not to laugh. “We sort of opened ourselves to very bad puns with that song.”

“’Backstreet’s Back with ‘Syncer energy’ is just as bad,” Joey scrolled through his cellphone mail client. “But nothing here says it’s true. I mean, Chris is going to the studio with them, so what? It’s not as if we haven’t done collaborations before.”

“It’s not as if we’re still *N Sync,” JC said, and Joey thought he still sounded hurt. Truth to be tell, he still felt hurt over that, and speaking in public as if the breakout had been peaceful and everyone’s idea, was still painful. “Chris can do whatever he wants.”

“With the Backstreet Boys?” Justin didn’t sound convinced. “No way. I mean, if he wants to reform 98º or even O-Town, that’s his business. But the Backstreet Boys? That’s… that’s just wrong.”

“Would you really rather have Chris join *O-Town* before he helped Howie and the guys?” It was Joey’s turn to sound incredulous. “That’s stupid. Look, I’m doing the Doc and Johnny show with Chris in a couple of days; I can ask him what’s going on then.”

***

Joey didn’t get a chance to ask Chris about the deal with the Backstreet Boys. The day before the show, the Backstreet Boys held a press conference, and when Joey turned on his TV, Chris was right there, sitting between Brian and Nick, looking a little out of place. They all were dressed casually and to all appearances, they seemed ready for anything, but Joey knew Chris too well. He could see Chris’s knee bouncing madly, and he knew that meant his friend was nervous. And although he didn’t know the other guys well enough to recognize their personal ticks, he couldn’t believe they were really that relaxed.

“So it’s true that Chris Kirkpatrick, formerly of *N Sync, is joining the Backstreet Boys?”

Joey cringed. Obviously the reporters weren’t going to start with any easy questions. Not that he blamed them, he wouldn’t have either.

“Yeah, it’s true,” Chris said exactly at the same time as Nick, who looked at him and laughed. They rose from their seats a bit and high-fived each other, then tried to get back to business. It seemed to calm Chris a little, as the speed of his knee went from ‘just a blur on the screen’ to ‘hey, he’s bouncing’.

“We were hoping to keep it as a surprise a bit longer, but after all the rumours about it, we decided to just come out and say it,” Brian finished explaining while Nick and Chris kept laughing under their breath.

“Hadn’t you said previously that you weren’t going to look for a replacement for Kevin?” Another reporter asked, and the guys looked at each other before Howie raised his microphone to answer.

“We said that, yes,” Howie said, and although he sounded quite natural, Joey figured he had the speech carefully rehearsed. “But after many recording sessions where could not fit the songs to our liking, and after talking with Kevin about it, we decided that the group really needed a fifth voice. And Chris was the perfect candidate for the spot.”

“Because of his experience with *N Sync?” A third reporter stood up, looking incredulous.

“Because he was originally going to be with us, instead of me,” Brian looked a bit pained, but answered honestly. This time, Joey was almost sure it was not rehearsed. “So if you want to see it that way, he’s always been an unofficial Backstreet Boy.”

“A very unofficial Backstreet Boy,” AJ said, to emphasise the point. “And he has been our friend for a long time, ever since the first time our groups sang together back in Berlin.”

“Does this mean that there won’t be any chance for an *N Sync reunion now?”

At the question, Joey felt his throat close. They all had decided never to give a definitive answer to that, at least not until they decided what was going to happen, but since Chris had obviously launched into this new project without telling them, he had no idea what Chris would say.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Chris laughed. “Brian and AJ have their own solo careers, I have another band… when there is an *N Sync reunion, I’m sure we will work something out.”

As the camera focused on Chris’s smiling face, Joey turned off the TV. Even if the situation was surprising, he couldn’t blame Chris for doing something like it. He knew his friend’s true love had always been music, and performing with a group. And even when Joey would’ve preferred that Chris could work more with Nigels 11, he could also understand why the Backstreet Boys could appeal more to him.

If the others didn’t see it that way, Joey would stand up for Chris. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t have a serious talk with him as soon as he could.

* * *

Chris smiled as John Shanks signalled them to stop singing. Working with Brian, AJ, Nick and Howie –because he needed to stop thinking about them as ‘the Boys’- was very different from recording with Lance, JC, Joey and Justin, but he had to admit that he had been missing the experience of being in a closed studio just singing. He had been recording with Nigels 11 before, but that had been at his own studio back at his house, so it was still not the same.

“Ok, I think you guys got it now,” John said on the microphone, and next to Chris, Nick and Brian high-five each other. “We can have a small rest, then we’ll re-record each of your solo parts in order, starting with AJ, alright?”

“Sure, we’ll be at the cafeteria.” Brian led the group outside the small studio, while Chris put his headphones back on their stand before following them. He had been very nervous about the whole recording session, especially because he wasn’t sure how his voice would work with theirs. He was very aware that his range was quite different from Kevin, and thus, they had spent a couple of days trying to figure out how to make the harmony work before starting at the studio. They sounded good, after a couple of mistrials, but Chris was very aware that the way they sounded in Howie’s house could be very different to how they would sound after the producers did their work with the recorded tracks.

After the nerve-wreaking press conference, Chris had done a radio show with Joey, who had told him quite clearly that he had been an idiot for not telling them all sooner what he had been planning. Truth was, Chris had been a little scared of their general reactions, but when Joey assured him that they all would support him no matter what, he had eaten his fears and called Lance, JC and Justin to beg for forgiveness for letting the press surprise them. To his eternal relief, they all had understood why he hadn’t called before, and they all had wished him luck.

Well, Justin’s exact words were “Don’t you dare use this as an excuse for when we finally decide to make *our* comeback, Chris. *N Sync was *first* and you don’t forget that only because now you’re sleeping with the enemy”, but Chris knew that Justin meant well. Besides, it was true. For Chris, *N Sync would always come first.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” Chris stopped at the door of the cafeteria at hearing Kevin’s angry voice. He had never had the bad luck of being in the receiving end of Richardson’s anger, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t aware of the fame Kevin had. Chris had heard a lot of stories about the Backstreet Boys, and he knew that the one you *never* wanted to see angry at you, was Kevin.

Sure enough, inside the cafeteria, Nick looked just like Lance had, five seconds before his official audition for Lou and his backers. As if he was debating between running away, or discreetly melting into the wallpaper. AJ had taken off his dark glasses, and looked more shocked than scared, but even so, he had paled considerably. Maybe it was because, as far as Chris knew, Kevin rarely swore. Howie was the only one who had noticed Chris, and seemed torn between actually acknowledging that Chris was there, or ignoring him until Kevin finished saying whatever he wanted to say.

The only one who didn’t seem faced at all by the older man’s outburst, was Brian.

“We’re recording the new album,” Brian said, completely calm.

“With him?” Kevin turned around very quickly, not giving Chris a chance to react or to even consider a good course of action.

“Hi, Kevin,” he settled on saying. Until he didn’t had more information, such as why Kevin was there and acting as if Chris’s presence was a surprise, he was not going to get involved in the discussion.

But Kevin didn’t answer him, as he was still focused on Brian.

“We talked about this, Kev. You said it was ok if we looked for a fifth member, *and* you voted for Chris,” Brian said, looking at his cousin with a tired expression.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Kevin finally sat down, and Chris decided that there was nothing to be gained from staying on the door, so he walked inside the cafeteria and sat next to Nick and Howie. “I never said that!”

“Brian, you *told* us that you talked to Kevin!” AJ was the first one to react at the news. Chris was trying fast to think about the reasons why Brian had lied to him. After all, he had been the one who had assured Chris that Kevin was completely on board with the idea of Chris joining the group and now Chris knew that it was a lie. Apparently, Kevin wasn’t even informed of that little development.

“I did!”

“You didn’t!”

“Oh, shit, this is like Singapore all over again,” Howie muttered lowering his head while the two cousins kept arguing about what Brian had or hadn’t done.

“What happened in Singapore?” Chris asked Nick, who seemed very interested in the pattern of the table where they were sitting.

“It was… complicated,” Nick said, not looking at either Kevin or Brian. “We had a meeting, made some decisions regarding the tour and security… and Kevin… well, he wasn’t all there. He was probably worried about Kristen or something, so he… forgot that he had voted in favour of some stuff.”

“I didn’t vote in favour of making two more concerts after the end of the tour,” Kevin stopped his discussion long enough to turn to see Nick who simply shrugged, still looking at Chris.

“He keeps saying that, one year later.”

“Guys? Can you give me and Kevin some privacy?” Brian asked, and before Chris could even consider that maybe it was just because of him, since probably Nick, AJ, and Howie had seen the two cousins argue before, the other three got up from their places, smiling amicably.

“C’mon, Chris,” AJ told him. His expression made it clear that he wasn’t worried, not now that Brian was on the case. “Let see if John is ready for our outtakes.”

* * *

“Now will you tell me what’s *really* eating you, cuz?” Brian’s worried tone stopped Kevin in midrant, once that they were alone. Caught off guard, Kevin looked at his cousin and finally sit down. “Because last time we spoke, you were quite on board with this idea.”

Kevin blinked. Since he had watched the press conference where his cousin and his *best friends* had so calmly announced that they were replacing him, Kevin had been trying to get a hold of them together to see what the hell was going on. That he had only managed to catch them at the recording studio was not a good thing, because he *really* didn’t want to make Chris feel uncomfortable. As far as Kevin knew, Chris was an innocent victim of the others’ plan.

But it wasn’t until Brian asked him when he realized that he had *known* that Brian and the others really thought he was ok with the idea of Chris replacing him, if only because they wouldn’t do something like that without asking him. Even if they had, it shouldn’t matter because he had *left* the group. But coupled with Kristin leaving him, it made him feel useless.

And then he remembered that Brian didn’t know about Kristen. None of them knew.

And they weren’t going to find out.

“How would you feel if you turned on your tv to find out that you’re easily replaceable?” He said, evenly, after a long pause. That was what had made him go to the studio. And he wasn’t leaving until he found out why everyone thought he would be ok with Chris taking his place.

“Kevin, *I* asked you if there would be a problem, and you told me it was fine,” Brian said, still keeping his voice low. “And this isn’t like the Singapore thing, when you were still upset over the stupid questions we got asked in Sidney. You’re retired, you have no stress if what you say to reporters is to be believed, so you can’t say you were worried about something else when we talked about Chris.”

“Wait…” Kevin sat down, feeling confused as he remembered bits of that particular conversation. “You were talking about replacing me?”

“Who did you think I was talking about?” Now Brian sounded angry. Not that Kevin could blame him, as he had basically accepted that he hadn’t been really paying attention to whatever they had been talking about back then. “Our inexistent sixth member? No one else has left the group!”

“I thought we were talking about Howie!”

“Why would we be talking about getting someone to fill Howie’s place?” Brian, despite the anger, smiled. Now that it was being said out loud, Kevin had to admit it sounded silly. “I told you we were having many problems with the four voice harmonies, and that we were considering getting a fifth. *You* said it was fine with you, and then you voted for Chris.”

Kevin mentally reviewed the conversation again. Or at least, the part of the conversation he remembered as he had been far too busy thinking about his own issues with Kristen to actually listen to all Brian was saying. Still, now that his cousin pointed it out, it really was silly for them to be looking for someone to replace Howie, who hadn’t left the group, and Brian had asked Kevin to chose between Chris and Aaron.

Thinking back on it, if he had been paying attention, he would’ve either said it was not a good idea, or voted for Aaron, but the damage was done.

And Kevin knew that he couldn’t just go and ask Brian and the guys to tell Chris that it had all been a misunderstanding and that he could pack up his bags and go back to wait for *N Sync’s reunion.

“I’m sorry, cuz,” Kevin said, trying to sound non-chalant. “I obviously had my mind somewhere else that day.”

Brian just smiled, and Kevin knew he had dodged a bullet. Sooner or later, Brian would figure out not everything was going fine at Kevin’s love life.

* * *

“Tell me I’m not insane,” Chris said into the phone as soon as he heard the other side pick up.

“You’re not insane?” Lance answered, sounding puzzled. “Hi, Chris.”

“What was I thinking?” Chris repeated, only now realizing that Lance’s assistant could’ve picked up the call and thanking it hadn’t been her. “Why did I let Howie convince me?”

“Because you actually like being on a group and we still can’t get back together long enough to convince mr. ‘It wasn’t my fault’ that he should give us six months of his busy schedule for at least one last tour?” Lance said quickly and Chris sighed. He knew what Lance thought about the hiatus, everyone who knew Lance knew about that and now that Lance was writing a tell-all book, probably all America would know about Lance’s feelings on the subject and now he had gone and gave him yet another reason not to talk to Justin in person. Still, he appreciated that Lance wasn’t going on a rant about that at the moment. “Or maybe because you *really* wanted to see if it would work. I don’t know. Why are you getting cold feet now?”

“Kevin is stalking me.” Chris explained, closing his eyes as he let himself fall on the couch. “I *knew* he couldn’t be fine with me taking his place.”

“Kevin Richardson is stalking you?” Lance asked, and Chris could hear in his voice the incredulity. “And you didn’t take his place, he quit long before Howie drafted you, didn’t he?”

“That’s what I thought. Now, I’m not so sure.” Chris sighed. “He came when we were recording, and chewed off Brian’s head. Then, he simply ‘happens’ to be around anywhere we are supposed to be.”

“Well, I don’t blame him. I mean, we would do the same, right?” Lance sounded quite unconcerned about the whole thing, which made Chris feel that maybe he had been overreacting.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, if you had re-started *N Sync without me, I would’ve wanted to know who was singing with you in my place,” Lance explained patiently.

“Checking the competition?” Chris tried to joke.

“Yes, because all this years I’ve held a long lasting crush on JC,” Lance laughed. “Although I doubt Kevin would have the same motivation, unless you know something I don’t.”

“Sorry, all Backstreet Boys’s juicy gossip that I get to hear is now protected by the fact that I’m in the group and thus, I’m sworn to secrecy,” Chris said, managing to sound serious almost until the end of the phrase.

“Sure. You’re probably telling them all about that time when you and Joey decided it would be a great idea to glue Justin’s shoes to the floor of the bus.” Lance laughed.

“Hey, that’s an idea, I could follow your example and publish a tell-all book!” Chris said, now feeling a lot better after talking to Lance. “Now I have secrets from both groups, so you all will have to pay me not to publish it.”

“You forget I have blackmail material to stop you from revealing more of my secrets.” Lance did sound amused, but now a days, it seemed that everything amused him.

“Besides the ones you already revealed, you mean?” Chris shook his head, even if Lance couldn’t see him. “Come on, Lance, you have no more secrets. People magazine even knows what brand of canned soup you like the best. And what could you possibly tell the world about me that I haven’t somewhat told them before?”

“I could tell them about your old crush on Kevin, back in Berlin,” Lance said, very carefully. Chris could almost see the smug smile on his friend’s face.

“Oh, that doesn’t count!” Chris laughed. It was a very amusing conversation, even if there was a bit of truth to all what Lance said. “Half Europe had a crush on Kevin back then! That’s why three years later he was selected ‘People sexiest popstar of the year’ or something. It was required for everyone to crush on Kevin for at least five minutes. I bet you did too!”

“Of course I did,” Lance admitted. “But then Kevin ruined it by being an ass to us without even meeting us, so it didn’t matter. And by then, you already had called dibs on him.”

“Not that you would’ve cared, if you had thought either of us had a chance with him.”

“But we didn’t,” Lance finished. “Unless he is really stalking you, in which case I still will bow out of the competition.”

“Oh, because you have a boyfriend now,” Chris said, and soon the conversation veered far, far away from Kevin and his stalking abilities into the more familiar territory of teasing Lance.

* * *

It wasn’t that Kevin was avoiding Kristen, it was more that he didn’t want to see her until he was ready to talk about why she felt that a divorce was the only solution and if that meant not seeing her for a couple of months, well, it wasn’t really that he was avoiding her.

So when he bumped into her at Jive’s anniversary party, he was more than a little annoyed. He had almost decided not to go until the last minute but it was because he didn’t want to see his cousin or the others either, not because he thought he could bump into her. If he had known Kristen would be there, he would have skipped the celebration altogether.

But as she was there, and he still hadn’t told anyone about their marriage problems, he forced himself to sit next to her and try and have a civilized conversation in one of the corners of the room.

“You don’t have to do this, I could leave,” Kristen told him, after the most awkward fifteen minutes he had ever spent in her company. “I don’t even know why they invited me.”

“Why did you came?” Kevin asked, sounding far more annoyed than what he really felt. “You could’ve stayed... where are you staying now?”

“At a friend’s house,” Kristen said, not looking at him. “And I wanted to get out of there for a while, this sounded like fun. But I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable...”

“You could come back home,” Kevin offered. “It’s a big house. And we could work things out. You didn’t have to leave.”

“Kevin, don’t.” Kristen’s tone didn’t leave much room to try and contradict her. “Not here, please. I really don’t want to talk about it right now.”

“Neither do I, not really,” Kevin lowered his voice. “But since we’re both here, we could try. Or at least, try to have a good time together. We used to be very good at that.”

“I said no,” Kristen got up from the table and looked at him with a very stern expression. “If we do that Kevin, we’ll end up again on the same situation that has made our lives miserable for the last four years.”

“Kristen,” Kevin began, but then decided to stay silent. He was very aware that they were just rehearsing their last fight, only in lower voices. It was part of why he was losing Kristen, the fact that when she started complaining, airing her concerns and worries he just wanted her to give them more time. Time to get used to live together, to get used to his constant touring, or to the fact that he wasn’t touring anymore. All he wanted was time, and she wanted to be heard.

Only now he was realizing that small tactical error, when she was leaving their table. Part of him wanted to stop her, to tell her to give him another chance. But he knew it was not a good idea. She wanted some time, and he was going to try to give it to her.

“I’m going to go home,” Kristen said coldly, walking away from him. He was very proud of his self control until he realized that Kristen had run into Chris Kirkpatrick a few feet away from the table.

* * *

Chris wasn’t exactly thrilled when he was invited to Jive’s holiday party, even less when he realized that as a member of an active band for the company, he would have to attend. While he still liked some individuals in the company – no matter what happened, Jhonny would always be the one who helped *N Sync to get away from Lou, and Theresa had saved them from more than one PR disaster with her quick thinking – the truth was that since *N Sync’s hiatus started, he didn’t want to put a foot inside the company building. There had been too much going on between the company and his old group to just forgive and forget.

The fact that he was the only one of both Backstreet and *N Sync there didn’t help matters much. Nick was off trying to salvage what little was left of his relationship with his siblings after the whole House of Carters’ fiasco, AJ was off visiting his girlfriend, Brian had a previous engagement for a charity concert, and Howie had finally worked the courage to tell his mom that Leigh would be moving in with him *before* the wedding, so he was with her. Chris wished he could’ve been there at least as moral support. JC was still in his studio, and Chris knew his friend was re-thinking his whole association with Jive, so there was no chance of JC appearing on the party. Lance had promised his mom that he would spend more time with his family, and Joey had long ago decreed that December Holidays were all about the family, so he wouldn’t be on any party that was not appropriate for children. Justin, being Justin, was somewhere in Europe.

And all that meant that Chris couldn’t just leave an hour after arriving. He was still wondering if anyone would be angry or surprised if he did when he bumped directly in the path of Kristen Richardson, who looked very upset.

“Uh... are you all right?” he asked, not very sure on how to talk to her. He had only seen her in person a couple of times before, always next to her husband and looking happy. It was a very different picture from her current situation. Her eyes were red, and she looked ready to cry.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she answered, not looking at him in the eyes. Which was more than enough proof for Chris that nothing was fine.

“Here, come and sit for a while, it might make you feel better.” Chris had never liked to see women crying. It wasn’t in his nature, not after living with five women for most of his life. The one thing that he hated more than anything in the world was jerks who made women cry. And thus, he had become very good at listening to his sisters’ problems, his girlfriends’s problems and sometimes even perfect strangers’ problems. It was one of the reasons he had tried a hand at psychology.

Problem was, Kristen wasn’t exactly a stranger, and she wasn’t a friend either. She was, at least on Chris’s mind, Kevin’s Wife. Since he had never seen her without him at his side, Chris had never quite made his mind on what to think about her. Some days, he envied Kevin’s luck. After all, Kristen was really hot and she had a warm smile. Some other days, the days when he remembered those years in Berlin when he had been acting like a lovesick teenager –or at least a very stalkerish twenty-something year old- about Kevin, he hated the fact that she pretty much meant that Kevin was not available for drunken experimentation.

* * *

Kristen let herself be guided to a table far away from Kevin, not really knowing why. She knew who Chris was, after all, she had heard her soon to be ex husband talk about *N Sync in general and their oldest member in particular far too many times to count, but she didn’t know him except as the Backstreet Boys’ competition (and, although she would rarely admit it, Kevin’s very unhealthy obsession during the early years of both groups). Chris, as a person, was a complete stranger.

But as Chris led her away from the crowd , trying to make her feel better when her ex-husband and friend of years had managed to ruin yet another night for her, she couldn’t help but feel grateful. Because, even if it was only for a moment, someone was actually paying attention to what she was feeling.

“Do you want me to get you something to drink? Water? Soda? Something stronger?” Chris asked, once they found an empty table.

“No, thanks. I’m fine...” Kristen started, then realized it was a lie, and corrected herself. “I’m not thirsty.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Chris sounded honestly worried. That surprised Kristen because she didn’t understand why he cared. They weren’t friends, and there he was, trying to make her feel better.

Which was why she started talking, and told him everything.

At first, she just babbled. Told him about the endless lonely nights when Kevin was on tour, and then the endless lonely nights when Kevin was with her but not *with* her. Just *there*. Then she went on about how she was starting to feel like her life was just on pause, waiting for really begin.

“Have you talked about it with Kevin? Because there’s something very wrong if you feel alone when you are with your husband.” Chris asked after fifteen minutes or so. Kristen blinked, surprised. It was the first thing Chris said since asking her if she was feeling well.

“We’re getting a divorce,” Kristen answered and, despite herself, she could feel her eyes start to tear up. “I’m not living with him anymore... and you know what’s the worst part? I feel less lonely now. Even if I’m still alone, I feel better now that he’s not with me. Does that makes any sense?”

“It makes a lot of sense,” Chris looked at her as if he was considering something. “Sometimes an empty house is better company than a crowd.”

That did it for her. The fact that he understood how she felt at the moment, made her feel a little better. She still felt hurt, she still felt misunderstood, but at least, she wasn’t alone, if only for that little moment.

Which was why she took a deep breath and, in a very low whisper that she was sure only he could hear, she told him what she had only told Kevin so far.

“I fell in love with a girl in my theatre group,” she started explaining between sobs. “I didn’t meant to, and I never told her. But I knew... I just couldn’t stay with Kevin, not if I loved another woman. But he... he just keeps not hearing me, and telling me I just need to give him time, and that’s not going to happen and so I keep getting mad at him and I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“He’ll understand,” Chris said, and for a moment, Kristen felt angry. Chris couldn’t understand how Kevin was. Kevin wasn’t going to wake up tomorrow and understand that he couldn’t save their marriage. “Not today, not tomorrow... and probably not in a few years, but he’ll get to a point when he’ll understand, and he’ll wish you all the happiness in the world.”

“Those sound like empty words.”

“No, he will. Trust me.” Chris was smiling, and Kristen knew that he meant what he said. Even if it was just wishful thinking, he meant it.

“And how long will it take?” Kristen asked, taking a sip of her glass. She knew she was being sarcastic, but she didn’t care.

“Well, it took me five years, give or take,” Chris told her so casually, that for one second she thought he was joking. “I even gave my company to Dani in an attempt to keep her in my life. It didn’t exactly work, but we’re still friends.”

“But she didn’t left you for another woman,” Kristen pointed out. Even if she hadn’t either, not really, but it sounded more simpler to say that than ‘she didn’t left you because she had a crush on her female co-star’.

“Oh, she did.” Once again, Chris surprised her. “And I’m only telling you because she’s out now, so it’s not a big secret. But it was very hard for me to take at first, and I think I did everything you say Kevin is doing now. I even wrote her a bunch of very corny love songs and if I hadn’t been touring at the time, I would’ve probably tried camping out of her house. “

“What did she do?” Kristen asked, now curious. She was feeling better, and her tears were under control.

“She threatened to slap me with a restriction order, and our PR department chewed my head off for that one,” Chris laughed at the memory. “And I left her alone for a year, and then I tried to go around the country on my bike, and she called me and told me I was being an idiot.”

“That doesn’t sound friendly,” Kristen mused. But then, she had called Kevin worse things in the last months.

“No, but it was a start.” Chris took her hands in his and she left him. He was making her feel a lot better, and suddenly the night wasn’t a total loss. “And when she broke off with her then girlfriend, I was her shoulder to cry on, and I realized what she had tried to tell me so many years ago. We work out better as friends.”

“You think Kevin and I can reach that point?”

“Well, I don’t know Kevin that well, but I heard you were friends before getting married, right?” Kristen nodded her answer, not wanting to interrupt. “Then I guess you already know you’re great as friends. Just give him a little time, and give yourself a lot of space.”

Kristen finished her drink and smiled. Maybe Chris was just trying to humor her, but if only for that night, it worked.

***

Chris had hoped that no one would mention the fact that Kristen suddenly came to visit them at the studio, or that she had quickly earned the same right to enter his house uninvited whenever she wanted. After all, she was still Kevin’s wife –and the others didn’t know about the impending divorce, not if Chris had understood the situation right- so he figured the others were accustomed to her presence.

The problem was that Kristen had never been one to stay long with the group, and she rarely, if ever, went to stay with the Boys, that she avoided the group unless it was necessary for her to be in the same place as them. Which meant that when she started going to Chris’s house at least once a week, it made the others very curious.

“When is Kevin going to tell his cousin about your divorce?” Chris asked one morning when Kristen arrived just as he was having breakfast. “Because they keep wondering why you’re coming to the studio so often.”

“I don’t know,” Kristen sighed, accepting the glass of water that Chris was offering her. “I don’t think he wants to admit that it’s happening...”

“And as long as he doesn’t tell them, it’s not real?” Chris nodded. He also had a similar experience regarding that kind of denial, only that his involved his group and their fans, not a soon to be ex-wife and his friends. “Well, we can live with that.”

“How do you do it?” Kristen asked, leaning closer to him. “How do you manage to be so understanding to him, when there are days I want to strangle him?”

“He’s not my husband, for one.” Chris joked. “And if I didn’t strangle him for all his comments back in the day, I guess I can hold up a bit longer.”

“I’m starting to think you’re a saint, or in some very heavy drugs,” Kristen joked and kissed Chris’s cheek.

“Am I interrupting anything?” Nick was leaning against the kitchen door, looking quite annoyed. “I mean, if you want some privacy, I can leave.”

There was no mistaking Nick’s accusing tone, and that annoyed Chris a bit. After all, he hadn’t been doing anything wrong, and suddenly, Nick was making him feel as if he had something to hide.

It took him a second to realize that, no matter how much Kevin tried to pretend there was nothing wrong, his friends would’ve noticed the older man’s change of moods just as Chris would’ve noticed if Joey suddenly stopped talking about Kelly. They all had noticed when Justin and Britney started having troubles, even if Justin never acknowledged it so of course Nick and the others must have realized that things weren’t completely right in Kevin’s marriage.

In that light, Nick’s tone made a little bit more sense, even if it was still annoying.

“You aren’t thirteen anymore, stop acting like if you were,” Kristen interrupted standing up. “If you think that I’m having an affair with Chris, just come out and say so.”

“I was just kidding, Kristen,” Nick said, sitting down in the chair opposite to them. Chris couldn’t stop himself from smiling, as Nick did act as if he had been just chastised by his own mother. Of course, considering that Kristen had been with Kevin for as long as Kevin had been with the Backstreet Boys maybe she was a surrogate mother for Nick. “I mean, I know you would never cheat on Kevin...”

“I’m not with Kevin anymore,” Kristen interrupted, sounding quite irritated. “So if you see me with anyone , I hope you won’t be accusing me of cheating.”

“Who... what?!” Nick visibly paled, as he turned to see Chris, obviously rattled. “She’s joking, right? Please tell me she’s joking.”

“I’m not joking,” Kristen answered, not letting Chris answer. “I would never joke about something like this.”

“But Kevin quit the group to spend more time with you!” Now Nick sounded insulted, and Chris couldn’t blame him. He was starting to make a very good picture of the events that had let to that particular morning. It would be funny, if it wasn’t because Chris was in the middle of it.

“He needed some time,” Chris interrupted. He guessed that maybe Kristen would blow up again against Kevin if she had to repeat the whole sordid situation again. “I only found out by accident a couple of weeks ago.”

“But why?!” Nick sounded devastated, which Chris sort of understood. In the past months he had seen that the boys were a lot closer to his bandmates’ wives than *N Sync had ever been to their bandmates’ girlfriends. Of course, that had to do with the fact that with the exception of Kelly and Britney, none of the others had hung around longer than a year. “He should’ve told us!”

“Nick, please,” Kristen took Nick’s hand between her own. “Can you keep this a secret? For me?”

 

* * *

Nick had always enjoyed launch parties. It was, in a very literal sense, the celebration that signalled the end of weeks of hard work. Weeks of studio time, of planning, of rehearsal.

And for the first time, he wasn’t feeling any of that.

The problem was, of course, that it didn’t quite felt as a launch party, not without Kevin. Sure, Chris was great, and Nick was very glad they had asked him to join them as a fifth voice, but it wasn’t the same as before. Nick still couldn’t quite get used not to have Kevin around. To make things worse, he was used to go to Kevin to ask for advice when he was confused, and this time, he couldn’t.

He couldn’t tell Kevin that he knew he and Kristen were divorcing. He couldn’t tell Brian that he was keeping Kristen’s secret. He certainly couldn’t tell Howie, not only because he had promised but because he didn’t want to ruin Howie’s wedding jitter by telling him that Kevin of all people was getting divorced. It was a no-win situation, and it was making him nervous, and ruining his launch party experience.

“You ok, Nick?” AJ asked casually, as he looked around the room. It was decorated with a lot of photographs from the session where they had done the cover for Unbreakable. Nick had to admit that, whatever his own conflicted feelings about how the situation had unfolded, Chris didn’t look out of place between AJ and Nick and, with Nick casually leaning on Chris’s shoulder, the difference of heights wasn’t that obvious at first glance. Howie was leaning on AJ, while Brian, standing left of Nick, watched everything with an amused smile. They were all dressed casually, in a mixture of gray, black and white clothes, smiling at each other like friends posing for a picture in the spur of the moment. It was, in Nick’s honest and not so humble opinion, the best album cover they had done so far right after the photoshot for the Millennium booklet that was still his all time favourite.

“Yeah, of course I’m ok,” Nick answered trying to smile. “Why shouldn’t I be? Everything is going on perfectly fine.”

Before AJ could answer something more questioning than a simple raised eyebrow, he caught sight of Kevin and Kristen entering the room, and Nick could feel his stomach tie into a knot.

For one second he could believe that maybe Kristen had been playing a mean joke on him when she told him she and Kevin were divorcing. Looking at her at Kevin’s side, smiling and waving at familiar faces, it was as if everything was just like before. But Nick wasn’t that blind. There were signs, small signs that probably no one but those who really knew the couple would notice. Kevin wasn’t holding Kristen’s arm, and that on itself was strange. While it wasn’t unusual for couples to give each other some space, Kristen and Kevin had never done that. They had always presented an united front. Seeing the empty space between them made Nick feel bad.

The worst part was that he didn’t had many details about what had happened. Kristen had only told him that he and Kevin had discovered that their marriage wasn’t really working, and thus, were separating. She hadn’t say what Kevin thought of all this, but Nick knew Kevin even better than he knew his own brother. Kevin wasn’t the type of man to give up easily on anything, and if Kevin *had* been fine with the separation, he would’ve told the others when it started.

And Nick didn’t know when the separation had started.

Which of course meant that Kevin didn’t want them to know, and the only reason why he and Kristen were together at the event was because Kevin had convinced Kristen to keep up with the appearances.

“Nick! You look great!” Kristen was coming towards him while Kevin greeted AJ, still suspiciously looking at AJ’s glass of water despite the years. It was part of what made Kevin ‘Kevin’, Nick guessed, but at the same time it could be tiresome. It wasn’t that Kevin judged them, it was just that his way of keeping an eye on things could be intrusive at times.

“You too, Kristen,” Nick forced himself to answer without losing his plaster smile. “I’m glad you could make it.”

“We wouldn’t have missed this for the world, Nick,” Kevin said. There was nothing in his tone that indicated that there was an upcoming divorce. Nothing that indicated that he had probably convinced Kristen to come with him just to keep up appearances, that he was having family problems. Kevin had always been like that, keeping his personal matters personal, and his feelings bottled up.

Before, Nick had admired him for his stoicism. Now, it was starting to annoy him because it was one thing not to let the media know what was going on with his life, a complete different matter was to keep his own friends in the dark.

“You’ve heard the album yet?” AJ asked, completely oblivious to the way Nick had tensed.

“Only the first single, but you guys sound great.” Kevin didn’t sound bitter or sarcastic, and while part of Nick felt relieved, the bigger part of him felt even more annoyed. Why did they had to go walking on eggshells around Kevin whenever the subject of Chris as a fifth voice came up, when Kevin had caused the whole situation to being with.

A flash went out not close to them and the four of them instinctively smiled in time for second and third pictures to be taken. It was part of their routine, to stop and pretend to smile, pretend to be happy and maybe Nick was reading a little to much into that attitude, or perhaps his brief stint of being completely honest in front of the cameras in the summer had made his patience grow thin with the whole attitude because it was the last straw in his already thinning patience.

But he had promised Kristen that he wouldn’t tell Kevin what he knew, so he had to make Kevin tell him the truth. Somehow.

“You sure you’re all right with all this?” He asked Kevin, trying to go for casual and friendly and not accusing and suspicious. “I mean, changes are sometimes unsettling.”

Kevin looked at him puzzled, but thankfully Kristen was deep in conversation with AJ so she didn’t seem to hear his question.

“We’ve talked about it, Nick. It took me by surprise, but Brian was right, I agreed with it.” Kevin said, slowly, which only made Nick worry more. Many people made fun of Kevin’s paused way of speaking, but the truth was that Kevin actually stop to chose his words carefully at all times. So if he was talking to Nick as if he was talking to a reporter, something was very wrong.

“Well, yeah, but, you know, you can have second thoughts,” Nick tried again, quite aware that there were others around, people who really didn’t need to know about all the inner problems that they had in the group when Kevin announced his retirement. “It’s perfectly normal... like when you have a break up.”

“What are you talking about Nick?” Kevin frowned. “Did you have an argument with Julie?”

“Julie?” Nick blinked, surprised at the mention.”Yeah, but we broke up months ago. What has that to do with anything?”

“You were talking about a break up,” Kevin said, looking as confused as Nick felt. “I’m sorry about it, Nick. Julie seemed like a nice girl.”

“Hey, cuz! Didn’t see you come in!” Brian and Lieghanne walked towards them and Lieghanne quickly took Kristen away. That was another thing that was just like the old days for Nick, when Lieghanne and Kristen took upon them to make a small group for wives and girlfriends so the guys would have time to interact with the press and guests without exposing them to the worse elements of the media that always seemed to manage to get in the events.

“We just arrived,” Kevin hugged his cousin, looking genuinely happy. “Where’s Chris?”

“He and Howie are talking to Lance,” AJ pointed to the other end of the room where the three others were talking and laughing. “Hey,Chris!”

Chris raised his head and waved at them, same as Lance. Nick answered Lance’s smile, wondering if Lance knew about Kristen. Chris had kept her secret, of course, but Lance and the other *N Syncers came and went in Chris’s house as if it were their own. Maybe Lance had bumped into Kristen like Nick had.

Maybe the only ones who didn’t know about Kevin’s impending divorce were the other Backstreet Boys.

“Lance looks very happy,” Kevin noted, with a tinge of the old sarcasm that always crept in his voice when he talked about *N Sync. Even after ten years, Nick still didn’t really know why Kevin was the only one who hadn’t been able to fully bury the old rivalry.

“Why shouldn’t he be?” Nick asked before he could stop himself. “He said it himself, he is not lying to everyone all the time, not keeping secrets makes him feel even happier and now he’s free to date whoever he wants. More power to him, really. We all should follow his example.”

“Nick... is there something you want to tell us?” Kevin sounded patronizing again and it was the last straw on Nick’s back.

“Depends. Is there something *you* want to tell us?”

“Nick?” Brian and AJ looked at him, as if waiting for an explanation. But as they spoke, Kevin’s eyes locked in with Nick’s. And Kevin had always been good at reading Nick’s feelings, ever since the day they met, so it wasn’t a surprise that his friend finally clued in on what was bothering Nick.

“I don’t think this is the place to discuss that, Nick,” Kevin said, not looking away. “But yeah. Could we meet somewhere before the tour stars?”

There was an awkward moment while they all looked at each other. Maybe Kevin hadn’t noticed, but he hadn’t said that it was going to be a ‘group’ meeting, and that was a first. They still weren’t that used to the feeling, no matter what they all said.

“Tell Chris to, because it does sort of involves him.” This time, Kevin’s voice did sown stressed, and for some reason, it made Nick feel better. It was something small and petty, but it was a signal that their friend wasn’t untouched by the fact that he had quit the group. It was a sign that Kevin still cared for the Backstreet Boys.

* * *

Chris had never been fond of group meetings that weren’t called to discuss shows, tours or albums. Ever since the time they had called an unofficial meeting in Lance and Justin’s hotel room to discuss how Transcon had been keeping their money, Chris had developed stomach cramps every time someone called for an ‘urgent’ group meeting. In fact, the only good announcement he could remember coming out of any of those meetings was when Joey told them Kelly was pregnant. Other than that, he had hated them all.

And now he was feeling the same cramps with the Backstreet Boys, sitting in Howie’s comfortable couch in front of the chimney while Kevin explained carefully and slowly that he and Kristen were having a short break.

Chris stayed silent during most of the meeting because while he knew what Kevin was going through, he doubted Kevin would like to hear that he agreed with him, not after all what Chris had heard about the other man when Kristen came around to his house. But Chris had also been through the same kind of denial when Dani had decided to end their relationship. Now, almost ten years after the fact, he agreed that it was the only way they could’ve saved their friendship, but unfortunately at the time, Chris hadn’t been able to see that. And when his friends asked, he said that he and Dani were having a short break.

“But then why did you retire?” AJ was the first one to make that question, that Chris was pretty sure they all were thinking. “You said it was to spend more time with Kristen.”

“I said I wanted to focus on my family,” Kevin defended himself. “Kristen and I are having troubles, and even if she’s not living at the house now, we still can work this out. But I needed time to do that, and that’s why I didn’t gave you any details.”

“Things are getting better now?” Brian asked, sounding hopeful. Chris didn’t blame him. After all, Brian and Kevin had married almost at the same time, and while he seriously doubted that Brian would ever have the same problems that Kevin was having, it couldn’t be easy to see a marriage as old as his own fall to pieces.

“A little, yes,” Kevin did sound sincere, but Chris just bit his lips not to say anything. He knew Kristen was starting to look for a good lawyer, that she was starting to think about dating again. But it wasn’t his place to say anything. In this particular group meeting, he preferred to be the wallpaper.

“And what when it gets solved?” Howie asked, hopeful. “What will you do then?”

“What do you mean?” Kevin frowned.

“Well,” Chris interrupted for the first time. “I think that what Howie wants to ask but won’t because I’m here, is if you’ll reconsider the whole retirement thing once your marriage is back on track. You know, come back to the group.”

“I’m not saying that I don’t want you with us, Chris,” Howie hurried to say, as if he was honestly worried about hurting Chris’s feelings.

“Hey, no, I know,” Chris assured him with a smile. “But I also know that Kevin was here first. So just to get this out on the open before any new misunderstandings can appear, I’m perfectly willing to bow out after a few concerts if Kevin wants to come back to the life of an international pop star.”

“Chris...” Brian started, probably to try and spare Chris’s feelings, but Kevin interrupted him.

“I couldn’t accept that, Chris.” Surprisingly Kevin was the one who solved the problem. “Even if I quit because I needed time for Kristen and me, the truth is I wasn’t really enjoying myself anymore. I wouldn’t want to go back to the stage, not as a full time job again.”

“You sure?” Chris offered again. While he was enjoying himself, he was also aware that Kevin probably needed to be on the Backstreet Boys far more than what he realized. “We’re still on time to call this a badly thought publicity stunt. We can blame Nick for it.”

“Sure!” Nick laughed. “Or better yet, we could become a six man band. Either works.”

“No, Nick, seriously.” Kevin shook his head, and Chris figured the subject would be over now. “Whatever happens between Kristen and I, I’m not getting back on showbusiness.”

* * *

After telling the guys about his separation, Kevin felt better. It was, as clichéd as it sounded, as if a huge weight had lifted from his shoulders. Once the meeting was over and he was back at the empty house, Kevin called his mother and told him the news, because even if Brian would keep the secret if he wanted, Kevin didn’t want to stretch the lie anymore.

He and Kristen were separating.

And every day, it sounded a little less painful in his head.

Unfortunately, it still weighed on his mind, and so he had been caught unaware two weeks later when a reporter caught him outside a club and asked him what he thought about the Backstreet Boys’ new album and show. At the time, Kevin hadn’t seen the show, as the group had started the tour again in Japan and wouldn’t be coming back to the States with the tour until August, so he tried to keep his comments limited to Unbreakable.

Maybe it was the lack of practice, or the lack of pressure that Kevin had always felt around reporters before, but he hadn’t been as careful with his words as he usually was.

Which was why one of the big items in every entertainment news outlet the next day was “Kevin Richardson calls Chris Kirkpatrick a good copycat.”

The actual quote wasn’t that bad. If one did read the article, what Kevin was quoted as saying that he was not surprised that Chris had adapted so well to the Backstreet Boys since both groups, Backstreet and *N Sync, had started in the same company, with the same management, so Chris knew well how Backstreet Boys worked and thus probably had no trouble with the group’s routines. The article continued by quoting Kevin as saying that Chris must have felt very comfortable following Kevin’s steps since he kept doing it after all this years, but it completely ignored the fact that Kevin *had* said that he had been only joking.

Kevin had been drinking, and while he wasn’t completely drunk, he had let his tongue get away from his brain.

He was on his living room, trying to figure out a way to let Brian and the others know that he had been misquoted and assure them that he didn’t think that Chris was either a copycat or an opportunist when Kristen barged in. She had kept the keys to the house, and for one minute, Kevin felt relieved that she felt she could come in without announcing that she was visiting, because it was still her house. That relief lasted until he saw how angry she looked.

In fact, he hadn’t seen Kristen that mad since the time when Kevin had tried to convince Nick to break up with Paris Hilton. Kristen had felt, and rightly so, that it was Nick’s problem, and that if Nick was going to learn anything about his relationship problems was if he solved them himself, instead of getting help from Kevin, Brian, AJ and Howie every time something went wrong.

“Why did you say that?” Kristen asked, throwing a printed copy of the blog article Kevin had been reading. “What did Chris ever do to you?”

“Kristen, I was misquoted!” Kevin defended himself immediately. “You know how reporters are!”

“I also know how you are, Kevin,” Kristen crossed her arms not sitting down. “And I know that you always chose your words carefully. Why did you single Chris out? Is it because we became friends? You think we’re sleeping around?”

Kevin sighed deeply. Until now, he had tried to forget the fact that his wife was not only leaving him but also had been seen a lot around Chris Kirkpatrick. And Chris had no official girlfriend, not that Kevin knew of.

But now that *she* said it so casually, she managed to plant the seed of doubt.

“You’re sleeping with *him*?”

“No, Kevin, he’s only my friend,” Kristen rolled her eyes at him.

“Why? You didn’t even know the guy.”

“Well, I know him far better than you, I bet.” Kristen uncrossed her arms, sighed and sat down in front of Kevin. “Kevin, he was there for me. And now we’re good friends, and I want to know why you suddenly decided to tell the press that he was a no-talent washed out wanna be.”

“I never said that!” Kevin snatched the copy of the article and started scanning it. Sure enough, while he had *never* said those words, the reporter had done his best to make it seem as if Kevin had. It was the old Backstreet-*N Sync rivalry all over again.

“Just as you didn’t say that *N Sync was copying your concerts back in 1999?” Kristen pointed out. No matter how much Kevin said now that the whole rivalry had been fabricated by the media, he had said very damaging things about the other group, and Chris in particular. It was just that there was something about the other man that had rubbed him wrong back then.

“This isn’t like that, Kristen,” Kevin assured his soon to be ex-wife. “Sure, I admit that if I had thought that you and Chris were a couple, I would’ve said that and worse just out of spite. But the I didn’t even had that idea until you mentioned it. It was just a tongue slip.”

Kristen studied him for a long time, but Kevin didn’t feel nervous. He was saying the truth. Despite his personal misgivings about Chris and his involvement in the Backstreet Boys, Kevin didn’t felt any animosity against Chris anymore. For the first time he could say honestly that the press had completely misquoted him.

“I’m sorry, I guess I over reacted,” Kristen finally said. “I shouldn’t have assumed that you were thinking about me when you said that.”

“It was a good guess,” Kevin admitted. “I still think about you all the time, Kristen.”

“Kevin, no... let’s not go that way.”

“Why not? Come on, Kristen... you can give me a chance. That’s all I’ve been asking all this time.” Kevin rose from his place and took Kristen’s hands in his. “Just one more chance.”

“Kevin,” Kristen sighed deeply, closed her eyes and bit her lip. It was obvious that she was suffering. “I met someone else.”

“What?” Kevin felt the blood go down his body all the way to his ankles. As long as Kristen was single, he still had a little hope that things could go back to the way they were. He needed that, he needed his life to make sense. Kristen with someone else... letting himself know that Kristen was with someone else, meant letting go of what the status quo. “You told me you weren’t sleeping with Chris.”

“It’s not Chris,” Kristen looked straight into Kevin’s eyes, and Kevin could see that she was about to cry. “Her name is Danielle. She... we met at Chris’s house but that’s about all that Chris had to do with it.”

“Danielle?” Kevin repeated, not wanting to believe her. “That’s a woman’s name.”

“I told you I liked women too,” Kristen smiled sadly. “She’s a great woman, Kevin. I think you two could be friends... in time.”

“Don’t you think it’s a little sudden?” Kevin asked after he calmed himself down again. “It’s been only a couple of months since you moved out.”

“It’s been eight months, Kevin,” Kristen said, drying her eyes. “Kevin... I know we still haven’t started the process but... you know our marriage is over. I need to go on with my life.”

“You keep talking as if all the years we were together were a waste of time.” Kevin leant back on his couch, feeling himself getting angrier. He had promised himself he was not going to repeat the old fights, but it was too easy to let himself be led down that path.

“They weren’t. But we weren’t going anywhere either, Kevin. You and I... we both want different things. We love each other, I’m not going to deny that, but there are so many things we want that go in different directions that it’s... it’s not even worth it to try and force them to face the same way.”

“You’re saying that you sacrificed things to be with me?” Kevin asked, losing his tenuous grip on his anger. “That it is a chore to be married?”

“I’m not saying that...”

“You’re not the only one who made choices, Kristen.” Kevin ignored Kristen, getting up. He was always proud of the fact that he didn’t had regrets. What choices he made, he never second guessed, and he never bragged about that. But hearing Kristen talk about sacrifices was enough to make him want to change his policy. “But unlike you, I chose to live with them. I married you, I chose to be with you, and I honoured that choice. You don’t see me wasting everything we did just because a guy caught my eye! I don’t break almost ten years of marriage just for a passing fancy!”

The slap caught Kevin by surprise, and, judging by Kristen’s face, she didn’t realize she had hit him until she heard the sound of flesh hitting flesh. Kevin closed his fist and opened it again, fighting the reflex of answering. As mad as he was, he would never hit a woman.

Deep down, he probably even deserved the slap.

“Our marriage can be saved, Kristen,” Kevin insisted, once last time. “We just need to work on it.”

“Maybe if you stopped taking everything as if it is a huge project to be worked on, you would stop making choices just for the sake of the project and see what you really want!” Kristen said, turning around before Kevin could even think of an answer.

She stopped at the door of the house, and took off a small keychain. Kevin knew that keychain. It had been the first gift he had been able to send her from Europe, when the money was very tight and it seemed that they had signed up for indentured servitude. A month before they had found out that Lou was also backing up *N Sync. Without looking at him, Kristen left the keychain, and the keys it held, the keys to that very house, in the small table next to the door.

“My lawyer will be sending you the papers soon. I don’t want anything of this house or of your money, so I hope you will be signing them quickly, Kevin.” She said, still sounding angry.

When the door closed behind her, Kevin let himself fall on the couch. He had ruined everything. All his hard work to try and convince Kristen that they still could work had been ruined by one careless remark to a reporter, and there was nothing now he could do to fix it.

And if he had to be honest, he *really* couldn’t blame anyone for it. Except himself.

***

“What do you have to say about Kevin Richardson’s remarks about Chris’s involvement in the Backstreet Boys?”

The question had caught the group by surprise during the press release before their Hong Kong concert. They had tried to play it off, ignore it and go to the next question, but reporters were like sharks. They rarely leave the uncomfortable questions unasked.

AJ and Nick answered honestly that Kevin hadn’t seen the show, so he was probably talking about one of their studio sessions, before the sound of the band was completely defined.

“So when Richardson said that Chris made a career of following his footsteps, he wasn’t calling him a copy-cat?”

Brian clamped up, and looked at Chris. It was as bad as the time a reporter had asked them if ‘Backstreet Boys’ was named as a pornographic reference, when Kevin had completely blocked out the interviewer. Because whatever they answered, they would end up hurting one of their friends: either they backed Kevin up, acknowledging that he wasn’t thinking straight due to his marriage issues, or they backed Chris up, and made Kevin look like a sore loser. A no win situation, a Mexican stand-off.

Brian hated those, and he wanted nothing more than going to his room, call Lieghanne and forget the whole press conference.

“No, I’m pretty sure he meant that I’m a fast learner,” Chris answered, drawing attention to him. “No offense to you guys, but I haven’t read a single article where what we say is quoted word by word so... Kevin surely said something completely different and it got mangled because it makes good headlines.”

“But you can’t be sure,” the first reporter insisted. “After all, he has a history of rivalry with you since 1997, given that you both were the oldest members in your respective groups.”

“And if we’re to believe everything that it’s printed about what we said, I’ve dated half of the Playboy bunnies,” Chris said calmly. “And Lance, and Joey, and Howie here, and probably a dozen or so that I’m forgetting now. I assure you, Kevin was one hundred percent on board of the change, he even helped us with some of the studio sessions, and if it sounds different is because it’s very easy to put things out of context when looking for some news.”

That seemed to finally close the uncomfortable line of questioning, and soon things were back in more normal tracks. But Brian couldn’t shake the feeling that they had just dodged a big cannonball.

Which was why he wasn’t surprised when Howie asked Chris to go and talk with him alone once the press conference was over and they were walking to their respective rooms.

* * *

“What was that?” Howie asked as soon as Chris crossed the door to his hotel room.

“A press conference. I thought you would recognize one, since you’ve done so many,” Chris answered, jokingly, sitting down on the king size bed.

“Spare me the Leslie Nielsen’s reference,” Howie started the water heater, and turned to see Chris. “I’ve never seen you defend anyone as hard as you defended Kevin today, what gives?”

“It’s just as I said, he was probably misquoted, why are you on my case about this?” Chris shrugged, laying down on the bed. “Hey, this mattress is far more confortable than mine. Wanna swap rooms?”

“We’re not swapping rooms,” Howie sat down next to Chris. “Chirs, I’ve seen you chow the head of your own bandmates when they say something stupid. You’ve badmouthed *Lance* who is one of your closest friends, when you thought he was an idiot about his life and now that Kevin outright insults you, you make it look as if he’s a victim? Come on!”

“I just thought you all wouldn’t want me bad mouthing him!” Chris defended himself, closing his eyes. Howie was pretty sure Chris was trying to avoid the subject, which was a very good reason to try and pursue it. It wasn’t like Chris to be that evasive. “Next time, I’ll make sure everyone knows that I think Kevin is a jerk.”

“Stop acting so childish,” Howie admonished. “I swear, some days you act worse than Nick did at thirteen.”

“Try Justin at fourteen, and you got me,” Chris shrugged. “Look, it’s nothing. I just got tired of the press trying to get us to fight just because it sells magazines. That’s it.”

“No,” Howie shook his head, smiling as the picture started to make sense in his head. “If it was the case you would’ve chewed out the reporter’s heads, not defended Kevin... you really wanted to clear Kevin out of the misunderstanding...”

“Howie...” Chris sat down again, looking troubled. “Don’t go there.”

“You don’t want anyone starting a feud between you and Kevin,” Howie continued, not really paying attention, and he smiled as suddenly Chris’s attitude made sense. At least, to someone who had witnessed Chris’s very brief romance to one of the guys who was unlucky enough to be part of both the original band that played for the Backstreet Boys in 1997, and then of *N Sync’s back up band in 1998. “You have a crush on Kevin!”

“Don’t say that so loud,” Chris motioned for him to shut up. “I don’t want to make things awkward with Brian just because his cousin happens to be my type.”

“Brian won’t care,” Howie stood up, and acting impulsively for once, went to the open door. “Hey, Brian! Chris has a crush on Kevin!”

Before Chris could strangle Howie, Brian opened the door to his room, phone in hand, smiling.

“Everyone has a crush on Kevin, at least for five minutes,” Brian laughed. “It’s a requirement or something. Even Lieghanne had a crush on Kevin, before we married.”

“She did?” Chris looked out of the door, as if he was still cautious that Brian wasn’t taking Howie’s indiscretion with humor.

“For five minutes, before she met me,” Brian smiled, covering the mouthpiece of his cellphone. “And so did AJ, and he’s the straightest man on earth, so it’s ok. Even if you just made Nick lose a bet.”

“A bet?” Chris looked at Howie who shrugged. He had forgotten that bet between AJ and Nick, back in 2000.

“They thought it would be JC or Lance the first *N Syncer to admit Kevin was hot. You know, long boring bus drives make interesting bets.”

As Chris nodded, Howie decided to let the subject drop for now. The fact that Chris was really attracted to Kevin was not that unusual, just as he and Brian had said. But the attitude that Chris was taking regarding Kevin’s short temper was.

Just in case, Howie decided to try and keep a close eye on his friend.

* * *

As Kristen promised, the divorce papers arrived a week after Kevin spent quite some time trying to apologize for his harsh words about Chris. Chris’s diplomatic answer had given Kevin some ammunition, and the way in which Chris had chosen to interpret Kevin’s words were now the official version in almost all news outlets with the exception of the seedier blogs which were delighted in trying to fan the flames of the old band war.

The divorce itself was far painless than what Kevin expected. The papers arrived, he read them carefully, but Kristen had been true to her word. She wasn’t asking for anything from Kevin, except the agreement to dissolve their marriage. And while Kevin had gotten himself a lawyer and made sure that everything was really as clear as it seemed, he was almost sure that he would be single again by the time the Backstreet Boys returned for their North American tour.

Which was the reason why he was going out almost every night. While he wasn’t exactly looking for someone to replace Kristen, he was tired of his empty house. Almost daily clubbing distracted him from his thoughts.

What he forgot was that the show business was in fact a very small business, where everyone knew everybody else and thus it was very hard to do anything without bumping into anyone who knew someone. And while he knew there was no chance of meeting his ex-bandmates, he should’ve remembered that Chris’s ex-bandmates were still in the United States, and that one of them was quite fond of the nightlife.

The one that hated Kevin, and had recently broke up with yet another boyfriend so wasn’t in the mood to pull his punches.

Things would’ve probably not gone farther than very polite and slightly forced greetings if it wasn’t because Kevin forgot himself and asked Lance what he thought of the Backstreet Boys’s last album.

“You just couldn’t keep it to yourself, could you?” Lance answered, his voice low enough to be well hidden under the music of the club. Only Kevin would hear him, in case there were curious ears around.

“Lance, it was a simple question...” Kevin started but Lance interrupted him before he could get any further.

“Don’t even try, Kevin,” Lance said, obviously angry. “I have heard enough of your non-insults to know that you just can’t stand us, and I’m not going to give you any ammunition against Chris.”

“What are you talking about?” Kevin frowned. Now that he thought about it, Lance sounded a little drunk.

“I’m talking about you saying that he’s only following on your steps,” Lance retorted. “Honestly, what has Chris ever done to you? I can understand the whole hating our band because you wanted to feel as if somehow Backstreet Boys had invented a concept as old as dirt, but Chris? Have you ever said something at least decent about him?”

“He’s a great singer,” Kevin defended himself, not quite sure of where this discussion was going. “And honestly, he sounds great with the group. That’s all I meant when I asked you...”

“Yeah, right,” Lance scoffed. “Look Richardson... I have no idea why Chris feels he has to defend your reputation, but you better start being really careful about what you say around the press. He’s trying to do something good with the group you abandoned, and you should be grateful of that.”

It was at that point when Kevin realized that Lance was probably talking about something besides his own careless remarks regarding Chris and decided to cut his losses before Lance said something that Kevin wasn’t supposed to know.

“You’re right,” he said, interrupting Lance’s rant.

“Of course I’m right,” Lance agreed, smiling and looking very pleased with himself. “What are you going to do about it?”

“Apologize to Chris, of course.”

* * *

The only warning Chris got that his day was going to turn upside down once the Asian/Latin American leg of the Backstreet Boys’ tour ended was a couple dozen messages from Lance in his answering machine. Messages that Chris promptly erased without listening making a mental note of calling Lance as soon as he had his breath back. He had to admit that as much as he had missed touring, by the third week he missed his house more.

So to relax, he had decided to spend a whole day in his game room, doing absolutely nothing before he had to head out with the group for a new round of interviews and shows before the winter break.

He really didn’t expect Kevin to ring his doorbell at noon. He didn’t even know that the other man knew where he lived.

“Kevin, hi.” Chris opened the door, even if what he wanted was to hide inside and pretend he wasn’t home. “What can I do for you?”

“Can we talk, Chris?” Kevin asked, looking far more serious than usual. Chris didn’t know Kevin very well –in fact, and due to the stubborn voice in the back of his mind that constantly brought up Kevin as one of the guys in the business that probably was very good in bed, Chris tried not to get to know Kevin. A harmless crush was one thing, and the less he did to feed it, the better- but he thought that he had never seen Kevin looking quite like that. As a man ready to undertake a very complicated and painful task.

“Sure, come in,” Chris moved to let Kevin in. It was the first time the other Backstreet Boy was there. Howie had been welcomed at the house since Chris bought it, Nick had come over a couple of times. Since Chris joined the Backstreet Boys, AJ and Brian had also come on occasion and in fact, track ten of Unbreakable had been recorded at Chris’s studio. But Kevin had never been there.

“Nice house,” Kevin commented, as Chris led him to the living room.

“You should see Joey’s.” Chris shrugged. “He has an inner pool with air conditioner just for it.”

And that was it. Finding subjects to talk to with Kevin was hard, because Chris had no idea what Kevin wanted, and the whole thing was starting to be awkward. He offered Kevin a coke, Kevin asked if he had Sprite instead, and they spent the next fifteen minutes in silence looking at everything in Chris’s living room instead each other.

“What can I do for you, Kevin?” Chris asked, when he couldn’t take the silence anymore.

“Did you really introduce Kristen to her new girlfriend?” Kevin asked after a few moments.

“Kevin, even if Kristen stayed single forever, she still would’ve divorced you,” Chris pointed out. He had heard Kristen complain long enough about the situation to know what Kevin thought about the divorce, and he didn’t want to hear about it from Kevin. Although, Dani had told him that Kevin had signed the papers without much resistance, so maybe the other man was now more comfortable with the idea than what Kristen had led Chris to believe.

“So, did you?” Kevin insisted. It was only then when Chris realized that he hadn’t really answered the question. And that there was a very good chance that Kevin wouldn’t like the answer.

“It was an accident!” Chris defended himself. The truth was that at the time, he had been against the idea of Dani and Kristen dating, if anything because Dani didn’t deserve to be the rebound girlfriend. “I didn’t mean to! I went to see Dani, and Kristen went me and they clicked, and honestly, you should feel happy that Kristen has someone who makes her happy.”

“I’m not placing the blame on anyone.” Kevin’s calm surprised Chris. He still remembered how he had felt when Dani had started dating after their break up. He had been devastated, and Dani had been dating men at the time. “I just wanted to know if it had been you, because I wanted to know if she is trustworthy.”

“What do you mean?”

“Have you met Nick’s girlfriends?” Kevin raised an eyebrow, cynically. “The ones that only date him because he’s a Backstreet Boy or because he looks good with them at the red carpet events?”

“Oh, you mean Julie. Yeah. I remember JC’s girlfriends too, and a couple of Lance’s boyfriends...” Chris nodded, leaning down on his seat. He guessed this was not the time to tell Kevin that *N Sync had so much experience with fame-hungry girlfriends that JC and Justin had managed to write a song about them. Especially since, at the time, Dani was still fresh enough in his heart to count as an *N Sync ex-girlfriend. “But don’t worry, Dani is not like that at all.”

“How do you know?”

“Because she was my girlfriend, back when the group was really big.” Chris didn’t pulled his punches. He had dated Dani for so long, that he had even let himself believe that they could have a fairytale ending. When they had broke up, he had been devastated, but later on, seeing how things ended so badly between JC and Bobbie, he had realized he had been lucky. At least Dani had loved him for himself. “Don’t worry, Kristen is in good hands.”

“Oh. Ok, then.” Kevin nodded, seemingly satisfied with the answer.

There was a long pause again, and Chris tried to relax. He had satisfied Kevin’s curiosity, so now Kevin would be leaving him alone. Things had been solved, and now probably Kevin would be civilized with Kristen and Dani. He would raise from his seat, thank Chris for his time, and then leave the house. All in all, it was a good thing.

Except that Kevin wasn’t getting up. In fact, he wasn’t making any movement except to get his glass and drink from it.

Not wanting to let this new silence grow as long as the first, Chris decided to break it.

“Kevin, Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“No,” Kevin sighed, closing his eyes. “Well, yes. There’s something else. I was trying to find a way to bring out the subject but, see... I ran into Lance at a club two nights ago...”

Later, Chris would have time to remind himself never to drink anything while having serious talks with his friends and co-workers, but at the moment, as the twenty something messages he had erased without listening flashed through his mind, the only thing he could do was to spit the Coke he had just drank to avoid choking with it. Kevin running into Lance was not a problem. Lance was a very collected person who never opened his mouth unless he was following a plan. Except when he was celebrating, or happy, or drunk. Then Lance’s tongue got loose and weird MySpace blogs got written. And Lance was the only one in *N Sync who knew about Chris’s crush, and was still on the whole ‘be truth to yourself and the world’ train. Sober, Lance would never out anyone. Drunk? They still haven’t had the chance to know.

“Shit, do you want a napkin?” Kevin asked, finally getting up from the couch.

“Never mind the napkin...” Chris said, trying to collect his thoughts. There were too many questions that he had in his mind, questions that he needed answered before he knew how bad the damage had been, and if he needed to quit the Backstreet Boys and join the Witness protection program. “Were you drunk? Was he drunk? Was he alone? Was he still mad about the group? Did he tell you anything about me?”

“No, a little, I think so, I didn’t ask...” Kevin listed the answers one by one, and with each, Chris breathed a little easier. “And actually... I came to talk to you about something he said.”

“Shit.” Chris swore under his breath. He really hadn’t want to find out that Lance had outed him. At least, it meant that next time he would listen to his messages instead of deleting them. A little warning would’ve been nice. “Look. Lance has this weird memory thing. He can remember things that happened years ago and hold to them like a tiger holding his prey. Have you read his book? He really did remember all those things without writing them up or anything. And when he drinks... he mix up dates. So whatever he told you, it was probably important ten years ago, but now? Not so much. Creepy, I know, but you get used to it.”

“He told me I was being an ass.” And the really curious thing was that Kevin was smiling as he said that. So Chris could believe that maybe Lance hadn’t said anything more. And to be honest, it had a bit of truth. Kevin could be a jerk sometimes, no matter how much Chris tried to avoid a media fight about it.

“Oh, there you go.” He answered, opening his arms as if to show everything was all right. “You were an ass back then.”

“Yeah,” Kevin nodded, laughing softly.

There was nothing much to say after that not only because it was the truth, but also because, Chris had to admit, Kevin looked good when he smiled. And there it was, the small, not too obtrusive crush that made Chris feel like if his knees were melting.

He really needed to get Kevin out of the house before other body parts started melting.

“You know, if it’s worth anything, I kind of like you. Always have.” Kevin said, making Chris’s heart stop in place. Chris tried very, very discreetly to pinch himself because not only he never expected Kevin to say that to him, the words were also coming a bit out of left field. “You weren’t the first guy that Lou rejected for that last spot in Backstreet, but you were the only one who didn’t let that stop him. I remember, I knew who you were as soon as I saw the Transcon memo about *N Sync... and then I thought ‘damn, this guy... he can be some serious competition’. That’s why I was so hard on your group... but it was because, well... you know.”

“Yeah, I know.” And Chris really knew. Now that Kevin had explained himself, the little voice on the back of his mind had finally shut up, and Chris was able to see where Kevin was getting at. The end of the matter was that Chris was getting an apology over all those years of band rivalry caused by Lou Pearlman. Almost ten years too late, but still, an apology. And Chris wasn’t going to let it go to waste. “Well... maybe this is lame but... well, we obviously started with the wrong leg back then with the whole competition thing and all. And now, me getting in Backstreet and you with your divorce, but we could... you know try and being friends? Hope you don’t mind me saying this, but you look like you need a friend. At least one who understands the whole ex-boyband politics and shit.”

“You think?” Kevin smiled sadly and then shook his head, but Chris thought he looked a little more relaxed. Which was usually the point where he would agree, offer his guest to maybe play pool or something, and then finish on a high note. Unfortunately, Kevin had other plans. “It’s just... my life just imploded under me. First Kristen leaves me, then I leave the group... and now... Now I don’t know.”

“You can get back in the group, Kevin. I know you all think I just say that to be nice, but it’s the truth,” Chris tried once again. He did like to be on the Backstreet Boys, but if him leaving was a solution, he was glad to offer it.

“Thing is, I don’t want to be back on the group. I thought I did, but I meant it when I said I was too old for that,” Kevin shook his head and before Chris could answer, he kept on explaining how he also thought he wanted Kristen back, but was in fact happier without her, that she had been right. They worked better as friends.

Chris let Kevin keep talking, listening very careful to Kevin’s side of the mess with Kriste, to Kevin’s fears and, more importantly, to what Kevin was trying very hard not to say, when he realized that his mother was right. He should’ve never had left the whole psychiatry thing. He wasn’t half bad at it.

Besides, a lot of what Kevin said was hitting very close to home. He had also felt very lost when the group had started the hiatus, and the real reason was that because of them all, the only one who had never had any interest in a solo career, or in any kind of solo effort, had been Chris.

“You know? I know what your problem is,” Chris smiled and shrugged. The worst case scenario was that Kevin would tell him he was full of shit, and he could live with that. “You’re feeling lonely, which is pretty normal since you’ve been never alone in what? Ten years or so? If you’re not with the group, you were with Kristen, and suddenly, you think you’ve got nothing and have to figure out what you really want. Like Joey, with his Broadway plays, and Lance who’s doing a little of everything. It’ll come to you. In the mean time, you’ve got friends and the great advantage that you don’t have to work to live anymore, so you’ve got a few more chances to screw it up than most people.”

Kevin looked up at Chris and blinked, surprised. It was an expression Chris liked seeing on people, since they only got them when Chris said something they really weren’t expecting, when he could catch them by surprise.

“Howie told me you were good at the whole listening job,” Kevin said, after a small silence. “But I never believed him... I was very wrong.”

“Why is it so hard to believe I can be insightful?” Chris laughed, amused.

“Because I remember the purple hair and the time you claimed you broke your hand saving a bus of school kids from a ditch,” Kevin answered quickly. It made Chris believe that maybe Kevin had been thinking a lot about the purple hair.

“I refuse to be criticised by a man who has worn skirts in public.” Chris got up to get a new can of soda for himself and Kevin. Things were working out now, so he could relax.

“It was a fashion statement.”

“It was a skirt.” Chris came back from the kitchen, handing Kevin the can of Sprite. “Seriously speaking, you just need to spread your horizons a little. You write music, I know you’re doing a soundtrack for a movie, right? If that doesn’t work, you can try producing, that’s always fun and all the studio sessions you’ve done have probably prepared you for it. And hey, I know you love the whole business side of the job, so you could even try managing a group. Who knows? You could be the Backstreet Boys manager!”

Chris laughed at his own joke, but stopped when he realized that Kevin wasn’t laughing with him. In fact, Kevin had a very calculating look on his eyes, as if he was actually considering what Chris had just said seriously.

“That was a joke, Kevin,” he said, trying to get the attention of the other man.

“But it could work,” Kevin nodded, smiling as he stood up. “You’re right. I’ve always liked the administration part a lot better than the endless rehearsals. And we... you... the group is having issues with Jive ever since Never Gone, so we... the group really needs new management. You know, I’m going to call the others, organize a meeting... see what they think of it. Do I have your vote?”

“Sure,” Chris forced himself to smile as Kevin got his cell phone out of his pocket. As Kevin got Brian on the line, Chris stopped listening to Kevin’s half of the conversation and just watched the man. Sure, he had proposed the managing thing as a joke, but if anyone could make it, it was probably Kevin. Chris had heard enough stories from Nick to know that Kevin’s control streak was a mile wide and Kristen’s own stories pretty much confirmed it. The problem was that Kevin looked different when focused, there was a gleam in his eyes that made Chris’s crush bloom into full-fledged lust and it took all of his self control not to do something stupid.

And if Brian, AJ and Howie agreed to the plan, as they would probably do, it would meant that Chris would have to spend a lot more time with Kevin. Which would mean to get to know him better, and Chris knew himself. If his crush was, as Lance once put it, a silly little thing that would die on time, it would’ve died a long time ago. Working with Kevin... well, it was a good way to insure the crush could grow into something even more lasting.

Chris shook his head, trying to clear off those thoughts as Kevin argued with his cousin on the phone. Whatever happened, he would just roll with it. His game plan had worked for him for thirty five years or so, so he could count on it working for a little longer.

And, he added to his mental tally as Kevin smiled at him making a thumbs up sign, it had always made things more interesting.


End file.
